EFFECT, n.

EFFECT, n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other - which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in the pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of a dog.

TRUTH, n.

TRUTH, n. An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of existing with increasing activity to the end of time.

SELF-EVIDENT, adj.

SELF-EVIDENT, adj. Evident to one's self and to nobody else.

LINEN, n.

LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp." - Calcraft the Hangman

SELFISH, adj.

SELFISH, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

WHITE, adj.

WHITE, adj. and, n. Black.

OPIATE, n.

OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of identity. It leads into the jail yard.

WEAKNESSES, n.pl.

WEAKNESSES, n.pl. Certain primal powers of the tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the service of her will and paralyzing his rebellious energies.

CONDOLE, v.i.

CONDOLE, v.i. To show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.

(Sometimes i hunt the words. Sometimes they hunt me.)

REALITY, n.

REALITY, n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.

CURIOSITY, n.

CURIOSITY, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.

ME, pro.

ME, pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three.

PANTHEISM, n.

PANTHEISM, n. The doctrine that everything is god, in contradistinction to the doctrine that god is everything

WITCH, n.

WITCH, n (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.

ALONE, adj.

ALONE, adj. In bad company.

In contact, lo! the flint and steel,
By spark and flame, the thought reveal
That he the metal, she the stone,
Had cherished secretly alone.
—Booley Fito

CUPID, n.

CUPID, n. The so-called god of love. This bastard creation of a barbarous fancy was no doubt inflicted upon mythology for the sins of its deities. Of all unbeautiful and inappropriate conceptions this is the most reasonless and offensive. The notion of symbolizing sexual love by a semisexless babe, and comparing the pains of passion to the wounds of an arrow — of introducing this pudgy homunculus into art grossly to materialize the subtle spirit and suggestion of the work — this is eminently worthy of the age that, giving it birth, laid it on the doorstep of prosperity.

BELLADONNA, n.

BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady;
in English a deadly poison. A striking
example of the essential identity of the two
tongues.

ABSENT, adj.

ABSENT, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilified; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another.

To men a man is but a mind. Who cares
What face he carries or what form he wears?
But woman's body is the woman. O,
Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go,
But heed the warning words the sage hath said:
A woman absent is a woman dead.
—Jogo Tyree

CALAMITY, adj.

CALAMITY, adj. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to

ourselves, and good fortune to others.

ARDOR, n.

ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes

love without knowledge

DON'T THINK TWICE, IT'S ALRIGHT.